hmm..here to update on my not so exciting life...
What should I say?? hmm... no longer in the yan family.... dunno should be sad or happy...
prehaps its a blessing in disguise bah... no need to call her da sao...plus..no need to go out with them again...then wun see her...haha...
Life is still the same for me...slogging my life out at billy bombers... everyday its work at 12-3 then tutiton tution and more tution...if not its piano lesson....money is rolling in I hope... yeah... Starhub from 800+++ down to 100 now...hopefully can clear by next month...
Now another headache... Singtel bills....last month 70+++ still owing...praying for tution money to faster come...
What else...hmm...dating again...This time...its serious...why?? simply because this girl is someone I called dear... Told ping er jie jie...their size can fight sia...and she asked me... Why her?? good question...really good question... I really do not know. Maybe its really because I need a distraction, maybe its because I really love her, this I do not know, but I know eventually time will tell .

Yesterday was a Bad day...Horrible day...Terrible day...
Sometimes I think...I should have just gone for qiu's bdae bbq...though I will have to end up being her mum's helper...I guess, things would not have been so bad...
Fate...is an interesting thing...If I had made more direct hints perhaps or even just bloody let her know much earlier...things could have been different...Oh well...Perhaps I am just fated to be her friend...her best friend...and nothing more than that...
Should I continue waiting??? but...If I wait...will it mean that I am hoping that they will break up in the end?? I cannot do such an evil thing...oh well...just take things naturally..maybe tomorrow, the girl of my life will just walk in and I will be glad that I had not taken that step...wahaha(prays hard...my criteria isn't that bad...She must be single, available...cute, pretty sexy and if she looks like cindy crawford that will be a plus..haha)
Yesterday...My heart broke into millions of piece...Everyone was pissed off at me...da ge's fren sent me home...interesting couple...their life is spiced by their digs at each other...interesting car ride...lolz...Then...took the wrong side of the mrt and ended up in city hall...last train somemore...luckily it wasn't the last carriage...cried again on the mrt...well...there was a plus though...this really pretty girl offered me a packet of tissue...got my bike, cycled and got knocked down...Flew off the bike, landed on my left hand and sprained my wrist further... It didn't hurt...It didn't hurt a bit...Probably because I suddenly lost all feelings. Reached home, bathed and ice packed my wrist...Well...this way, it would not swell...Punched the wall somemore...and finally felt better...then called da ge up to say sorry...
Tried to sleep after that but the more I tried to sleep, the more vexed I felt...Dang...the usual method of sleeping it off cannot be used this time...Sat up, saw the swiss army knife and suddenly felt tempted to attempt my mei's hobby...playing tic tac toe on her arm...Open the blade out and suddenly the scene of her cutting her wrist with a scissors played in my mind again...Just bringing the blade near my arm was so difficult I ended up dropping the blade on the floor...dang...another method failed...Feels like smoking again...dang...Guess tomolo I will go get a pack...Viceroy?? Texas 5?? oh well...
Today, talked to da ge...Made da ge promise to treat her well...Told da ge abt her fear of fuo pai, her habit of picking her finger till it bleeds, her different self in aikido, how at times she will get ji seow by things...Now I know how duan cheng feng felt when he told tai zhi everything he knows abt xiao xi...Oh well...As long as she is happy...I will be happy...
Onwards I will proceed...relationships I will go into...But I know no matter how many relationships I have, a corner of my heart is reserved for her...of course...and ping er jie jie...cause after all ping er jie jie is like a sister to me...heehee..Thanx ping er jie jie for listening to my rubbish yesterday...

We broke up le... She initiated the break first....Maybe to her I was but a fling. Someone she could lean on when having problems with her boyfriend. Ha...Me...Loh weili...The first time I truly loved someone and it had to end up this way... My friends already told me to leave her when they noe she was attached...but well..I didn't listen to their advice and so it had to end up this way.
Oh well...the only comfort I can find is that at least she was the one who initiated the break up and this way, I have not broke my promise to her. Not only that, because she initiatied the break, she will not be sad and in the end cut herself again....
Sighz...onwards I will proceed....may new relationships come along...

Baby...This is the last time I am calling you that
Please take care of urself now that we are apart
Don't let anyone hurt you or bully you
I hope you will be happy with him
Wishing you the best in everything you do
Zhu ni xing fu

Dying of boredom...Baby cannot be contacted....suddenly remember the lyrics from an english song I heard before... "Sad...So sad...its a sad sad situation"

Even though I get to see my baby in school... and I can send her home from times to times...I sometimes still can't help feeling that something is missing between us. Sometimes we even run out of things to say. "Sad...So sad...its a sad sad situation"

Baby always is sleeping late....I wonder if it is because the guy is at her house...Haiz...sometimes I envy him...at least he can go to her house...I am always glad whenever I can meet her...but when I am all alone and in need of some company...oh well...nvm...maybe because we are still in the what people consider honeymoon period...thats why I tend to miss her a lot...I miss spending time with her...I miss her voice when she talks to me on the phone....I miss everything about her....Oh well...I guess one can never satisfied...Weili...Take it as a Time to concentrate on your final year project then...

Current Mood : Lonely :(

Lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
for my owwnn

I still remember when she asked me why I liked her... My reply then was that I don't know...But today when I sent her to work...I understand why... She brings warmth and comfort to me...To others...I may always be cheerful and happy...but I am actually very cold... I don't really go into much details with strangers..but when I first saw her...I opened up...She is like a sunshine to me...

Well...I guess after she came clean with me, I couldn't really take it. But I had to pretend everything was fine...But after much thought, I came to understand a theory... Actually this came from a saying I heard long ago in church... I remembered the pastor said... God is merciful. He lets rain for on good people he also lets rain for on bad people. Well, I guess its the same meaning for her bah...She not only brings warmth and comfort to me...I guess she also brought warmth and comfort for him too... Oh well, I guess you can't have the best of both world...

Sometimes, I am afraid my eagerness to be nice to her, I am actually bringing stress to her...Its like I am trying to make her choose... Actually, as long as she is willing to spend time bring warmth and comfort its enough...though I may be jealous everytime she is with him, but I believe that miracles will happen. Now my only problem arises when I see her blog...

Baby...I know you are hurt and that you feel really guilty for hurting bth of us
and I don't know what I can do to make you feel better
But I would like you know, to lose you will be far worser than having to share you
Thanks for bringing me warmth and comfort
I hope I can be given the chance to support you throughout these times
I love you

From heaven to hell...what an irony day...

Heaven was when she kissed me...When I told her she owed me a kiss, I was going to settle for the max a peck on the cheek...but when her lips touched mine... I suddenly understand how drug addicts felt when they took drugs for the first time...I was in heaven...

I had to call...couldn't I sense something was wrong? My stupidity brought this upon me... I heard his voice...................................................
now in my fyp lab...trying to stay strong...but heaven seems to be playing a joke on me... Some guy had to blast yan lei de wei dao on his comp...
我想我知道 眼泪的味道... I don't know how long I can take this... But I know I cannot lose her... God...grant me the strength to carry on....I pray...Oh well...meeting ping er jie jie later...damn lucky she is on holiday today....at least that gives me a shoulder to cry on....After that I know I must pick myself up and continue on...After all, I cannot fall...I cannot be weak...She is already so stressed and tired out...I must be there for her...to support her to provide for her the relief from stress...

多少的爱说不出口　就让时间帮我说话　我一个人拚命挣扎 总比两个人一起难过还好吧
如果分离是唯一的解脱　最后的话我来说 如果永远你不必再难过　遗憾让我来过 就算过去的回忆太脆弱　连未来也没有我　爱着你　仍是我的执着

Today she told me everything... I sent her home and after that in the evening while doing my project, she called me to tell me everything...She has a bf and one that she cannot break up with because he won't let her go... When I heard the call, though I had already suspected...I still was stunned...My heart broke...but her voice on the phone kept me from breaking down... I needed to remain strong for her. She said the reason she was so tired was because she cried the whole night. She said she chose me over him...but he refused to break up...Over the phone, her voice made my heart ached...but at that moment, I did not know if it was because she was unhappy or was it just my hurt. I only knew that I had to reassure her I was okay... at least to relieve her of her guilt and depression...Then she had to hang up... After putting down the phone, I broke down. All the worrying, guessing and I guess mostly the truth hit me hard...really hard... After breaking down, I started to feel relieved...because I knew I had won the battle. No more guessing, no more worrying...

I knew I could not lose her no matter what she has done, so...I forgaved her. Anyway...I never was angry with her in the first place... And further more, she made a wise choice..she chose me..(heh heh v-_-v)...After that came the worrying again. I remembered she said she cried the whole night....I started to worry about her cutting herself. Seriously...I rather she cut me...because physically pain is always not as bad as heart aches...well..I guess this means I will have to stock up on plasters in my bag le... Her status in friendster also changed to married...this really calls for celebration... Now I understand the chinese saying..shou de yun kai jian yue ming.
Baby...I love you
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you’re breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

I miss my baby...I miss my baby...I miss my baby...
Only can see her on Monday...Sobz...Thats one more day away... Whats more, she told me not to call her or sms her cause she is settle something important... Oh no...what can it be?? Her 'family' members does not dislike me do they?? Yesterday, she kept saying she does not deserve my love... Actually, I am guessing she has some flings she needs to clear...but thats just guessing... Oh no...may the clock move faster and for monday to come... I am really worried...

This is to my baby if she sees this...which is pretty impossible cause nobody knows of this blog
Baby... I don't know what is wrong
but I want to you know
no matter what happens
I love you

Though u keep saying I should not be so good to u
But I just can't not be good to u
It breaks my heart to see u cry
to see you hurt urself using various methods
I vow never to make u shed a drop of tear for me...
If you did, I hope its tears of joy and happiness
I love you...