We broke up le... She initiated the break first....Maybe to her I was but a fling. Someone she could lean on when having problems with her boyfriend. Ha...Me...Loh weili...The first time I truly loved someone and it had to end up this way... My friends already told me to leave her when they noe she was attached...but well..I didn't listen to their advice and so it had to end up this way.
Oh well...the only comfort I can find is that at least she was the one who initiated the break up and this way, I have not broke my promise to her. Not only that, because she initiatied the break, she will not be sad and in the end cut herself again....
Sighz...onwards I will proceed....may new relationships come along...

Baby...This is the last time I am calling you that
Please take care of urself now that we are apart
Don't let anyone hurt you or bully you
I hope you will be happy with him
Wishing you the best in everything you do
Zhu ni xing fu

Dying of boredom...Baby cannot be contacted....suddenly remember the lyrics from an english song I heard before... "Sad...So sad...its a sad sad situation"

Even though I get to see my baby in school... and I can send her home from times to times...I sometimes still can't help feeling that something is missing between us. Sometimes we even run out of things to say. "Sad...So sad...its a sad sad situation"

Baby always is sleeping late....I wonder if it is because the guy is at her house...Haiz...sometimes I envy him...at least he can go to her house...I am always glad whenever I can meet her...but when I am all alone and in need of some company...oh well...nvm...maybe because we are still in the what people consider honeymoon period...thats why I tend to miss her a lot...I miss spending time with her...I miss her voice when she talks to me on the phone....I miss everything about her....Oh well...I guess one can never satisfied...Weili...Take it as a Time to concentrate on your final year project then...

Current Mood : Lonely :(

Lonely
I'm Mr. Lonely
I have nobody,
for my owwnn

I still remember when she asked me why I liked her... My reply then was that I don't know...But today when I sent her to work...I understand why... She brings warmth and comfort to me...To others...I may always be cheerful and happy...but I am actually very cold... I don't really go into much details with strangers..but when I first saw her...I opened up...She is like a sunshine to me...

Well...I guess after she came clean with me, I couldn't really take it. But I had to pretend everything was fine...But after much thought, I came to understand a theory... Actually this came from a saying I heard long ago in church... I remembered the pastor said... God is merciful. He lets rain for on good people he also lets rain for on bad people. Well, I guess its the same meaning for her bah...She not only brings warmth and comfort to me...I guess she also brought warmth and comfort for him too... Oh well, I guess you can't have the best of both world...

Sometimes, I am afraid my eagerness to be nice to her, I am actually bringing stress to her...Its like I am trying to make her choose... Actually, as long as she is willing to spend time bring warmth and comfort its enough...though I may be jealous everytime she is with him, but I believe that miracles will happen. Now my only problem arises when I see her blog...

Baby...I know you are hurt and that you feel really guilty for hurting bth of us
and I don't know what I can do to make you feel better
But I would like you know, to lose you will be far worser than having to share you
Thanks for bringing me warmth and comfort
I hope I can be given the chance to support you throughout these times
I love you

From heaven to hell...what an irony day...

Heaven was when she kissed me...When I told her she owed me a kiss, I was going to settle for the max a peck on the cheek...but when her lips touched mine... I suddenly understand how drug addicts felt when they took drugs for the first time...I was in heaven...

I had to call...couldn't I sense something was wrong? My stupidity brought this upon me... I heard his voice...................................................
now in my fyp lab...trying to stay strong...but heaven seems to be playing a joke on me... Some guy had to blast yan lei de wei dao on his comp...
我想我知道 眼泪的味道... I don't know how long I can take this... But I know I cannot lose her... God...grant me the strength to carry on....I pray...Oh well...meeting ping er jie jie later...damn lucky she is on holiday today....at least that gives me a shoulder to cry on....After that I know I must pick myself up and continue on...After all, I cannot fall...I cannot be weak...She is already so stressed and tired out...I must be there for her...to support her to provide for her the relief from stress...

多少的爱说不出口　就让时间帮我说话　我一个人拚命挣扎 总比两个人一起难过还好吧
如果分离是唯一的解脱　最后的话我来说 如果永远你不必再难过　遗憾让我来过 就算过去的回忆太脆弱　连未来也没有我　爱着你　仍是我的执着

Today she told me everything... I sent her home and after that in the evening while doing my project, she called me to tell me everything...She has a bf and one that she cannot break up with because he won't let her go... When I heard the call, though I had already suspected...I still was stunned...My heart broke...but her voice on the phone kept me from breaking down... I needed to remain strong for her. She said the reason she was so tired was because she cried the whole night. She said she chose me over him...but he refused to break up...Over the phone, her voice made my heart ached...but at that moment, I did not know if it was because she was unhappy or was it just my hurt. I only knew that I had to reassure her I was okay... at least to relieve her of her guilt and depression...Then she had to hang up... After putting down the phone, I broke down. All the worrying, guessing and I guess mostly the truth hit me hard...really hard... After breaking down, I started to feel relieved...because I knew I had won the battle. No more guessing, no more worrying...

I knew I could not lose her no matter what she has done, so...I forgaved her. Anyway...I never was angry with her in the first place... And further more, she made a wise choice..she chose me..(heh heh v-_-v)...After that came the worrying again. I remembered she said she cried the whole night....I started to worry about her cutting herself. Seriously...I rather she cut me...because physically pain is always not as bad as heart aches...well..I guess this means I will have to stock up on plasters in my bag le... Her status in friendster also changed to married...this really calls for celebration... Now I understand the chinese saying..shou de yun kai jian yue ming.
Baby...I love you
I wanna be inside your heaven
Take me to the place you cry from
Where the storm blows you away
I wanna be the one to hold you
Every bit of air you’re breathing in
A soothing wind
I wanna be inside your heaven

I miss my baby...I miss my baby...I miss my baby...
Only can see her on Monday...Sobz...Thats one more day away... Whats more, she told me not to call her or sms her cause she is settle something important... Oh no...what can it be?? Her 'family' members does not dislike me do they?? Yesterday, she kept saying she does not deserve my love... Actually, I am guessing she has some flings she needs to clear...but thats just guessing... Oh no...may the clock move faster and for monday to come... I am really worried...

This is to my baby if she sees this...which is pretty impossible cause nobody knows of this blog
Baby... I don't know what is wrong
but I want to you know
no matter what happens
I love you

Though u keep saying I should not be so good to u
But I just can't not be good to u
It breaks my heart to see u cry
to see you hurt urself using various methods
I vow never to make u shed a drop of tear for me...
If you did, I hope its tears of joy and happiness
I love you...

Ok...Today is the day.. I will be accompanying her for the ccn day... Wish me luck...I am determined I will make a progress by trying to hold her hand. I have plan A to Z planned...Well...Hope my courage does not fail me...

Hope I don't scare her away....After all...today is only the second day we knew each other.

Lonely, I'm Mr. lonely, I have nobody, for my owwnnn

I HELD HER HAND....I HELD HER HAND!!!

The gods must have taken mercy on me... I stupidly tried all sorts of methods and fail...ranging from the traditional way of crossing the road to the latest way of hmm...dunno?? Went to watch wedding crasher...Its so funny... But the movie though good could not let me concentrate...well..what to do?? her hands were like millimeters away...

Well after holding her hand came the stressful part... Meeting of the parents and family member... I need their approval and appraisal... Woah..Even collecting O's result wasn't that bad. Kept thinking Is my hair ok?? Is my clothing too sloppy? I should have brought a shirt and tie out...dang...Luckily, she was there to destress me...so I kind of relaxed a little. Met her family members and they turned out to be less stressful than I expected...But no approval yet...Oh well...at least they don't dislike me.( I hope )

I’ve been down...
Now I’m blessed...
I felt a revelation comin’ around...
I guess it’s right...
It’s so amazing
Everytime I see you, I’m alive

Yesterday was the luckiest day of my life... cause I met my baby. Saw her on IRC. Usually, I am parked in the channel but does not reply, but when she said hi, I saw and replied. So I am really lucky. Well...talked to her and realised she is from my school and well having not much frens, I asked her out for lunch today and she agreed... Still remember the first impression she left, shoulder length hair, dyed at the ends, retro specs...She looks really cute then. But I still thot of her as an accquaintance. Went for lunch at mensa. I told her loads of things I would not tell an accquaintance. She left for her class after that and I went back to do my FYP.

Received an sms from her saying that her mp3 player had ran out of batt... Suddenly, the only thought that came to my mind was to find batteries for her. After buying it, I stopped to think why I am doing so much for an accquaintance...Well...it was only after accompanying her at the library did I realised I had fallen for her. When she disappeared...I panicked. When she came back and tried to scare me by putting her hands on my shoulder, that reassuring feeling....It felt so heavenly. I had fallen for an accquaintance...

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast. It is not proud, it is not rude. It is not self seeking, it is not easily angered. It keeps no record of wrongs. Love never fails
1st Corinthians chapter 13 verse 4-5